Do the bakar
ankit
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Home page: http://www.xamedu.com
Posts by ankit
Upgrade from Girlfriend 5.0 to Wife 1.0
02 years ago
by ankit
in Entertainment
Year 2050, An email from a troubles user!
Dear Technical Support Team:
Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 5.0 to Wife 1.0.
I soon noticed that the new program began unexpected child-processes that took up a lot of space and valuable resources.
In addition, Wife 1.0 installed itself into all other programs and now monitors all other system activities.
Applications such as BachelorNights 10.3, Cricket 5.0 , BeerWithBuddies 7.5 , and Outings 3.6 no longer runs, crashing the system whenever selected. I can’t seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background while attempting to run my favorite applications.
I’m thinking about going back to Girlfriend 5.0 , but the ‘uninstall ‘ doesn’t work on Wife 1.0.
Please help!
Thanks,
“A Troubled User ”
REPLY from the Tech Support
Dear Troubled User:
This is a very common problem that people complain about.
Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 5.0 to Wife 1.0, thinking that it is just a Utilities and Entertainment program.
Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and is designed by its Creator to run EVERYTHING !!!
It is also impossible to delete Wife 1.0 and to return to Girlfriend 5.0.
It is impossible to uninstall, or purge the program files from the system once installed.
You cannot go back to Girlfriend 5.0 because Wife 1.0 is designed not to allow this. (Look in your Wife 1.0 Manual under Warnings-Alimony- Child Support) ..
I recommend that you keep Wife1.0 and work on improving the environment.
I suggest installing the background application ” Yes Dear” to alleviate software augmentation.
The best course of action is to enter the command C:\APOLOGIZE because ultimately you will have to give the APOLOGIZE command before the system will return to normal anyway.
Wife 1.0 is a great program, but it tends to be very high maintenance. Wife 1.0 comes with several support programs, such as Clean 2.5 , Sweep 3.0, Cook 1.5 and DoLaundry 4.2 . However, be very careful how you use these programs. Improper use will cause the system to launch the program NagNag 9.5 ..
Once this happens, the only way to improve the performance of Wife 1.0 is to purchase additional software. I recommend
Sarees 2.1 and Jewelery 5.0
STATUTORY WARNING : DO NOT, under any circumstances, install SecretaryWithShort Skirt 3.3. This application is not supported by Wife 1.0 and will cause irreversible damage to the operating system.
Who are we? Part-3
1Never imagined such a good response on the posts! It was overwhelming and I am sure Bakar Bugs will enjoy this post. Continuing from where we left last time some more observations.
1) Somebody always dare ya !
We have this inbuilt microchip in our head which make us do things which have been denied.
Place where you are not supposed to Park your Car is submerged with every possible vehicle in the world while children are playing cricket in parking lot. Who the hell told you to stop at Red light and when its a green light you are supposed to stop and talk over phone 
If trespassing is not allowed somewhere it becomes the most congested way.You are supposed to be in the queue while taking any Goddamn ticket or submitting form or whatever. and by Queue we mean stronger ones on the window on top of each other and weaklings waiting 10 feet away from the BULL FIGHT.
You can see the “Paan peek” (spitting) on a wall and if you will look closely you will see its written “PLEASE DON’T SPIT” and hey ! why that Dustbin is so neat and clean while the garbage is all over the place.
On top of all the things is ” PUBLIC URINATION” Need I say more, I have seen people looking for only those places where its written “Yaha P*** karna mana hai” to let loose… I mean what the hell!
In buses, Male will always sit on the seats reserved for Ladies, while every other lady wants to first occupy not so reserved Male seats.
When you are supposed to drive with a speed limit of 20 KM, because of Parallax error you read it wrong and drive over 120 KM. You only HONK at places where you are not supposed to and will always be opposite of silent in the silent zone. “No Cellphone” zones will have highest number of Mobile phone activity while “No camera” zone are Flashed every microsecond.
And still here we are Enjoying these small Adventures.
2. Our Family
My Family has, Papa, Mummy, Bhaiyya Bhabhi, Didi, Jijaji, Tau, Tai, Chacha Chachi, Dada, Dadi, Nana, Nani, Mama, Mami, Bhatija Bhatiji, Bhanja, Bhanji, Mausi, Mausa, Fufa, Bhua, BLAH BLAH… and wait these are only my Blood Relatives. The other plethora of relatives are much more fun though, Devar, Devrani, Jeth, Jathani, Sala, Sali, Sas, Sasur, Tai-sas, Tau-sasur, Chacha-sasur, Chachi-sas, Mausi-sas, Mausa-sasur, Bhua Sas, Fufa -Sasur, …(you keep on remembering such relations and I will make a tea till then) 
oh Gosh even the super computer will Crash while figuring out the relations and the strings and believe me its Extremely adventurous when I leave for outstation and while standing on the Railway Platform I realize that The cost of Platform Tickets are actually more than my Travel Ticket
3) We are cheaply Extravagant
Trademark Conversation between “Vegetable Vendor and Indians”
I: “Aloo Kya bhav diye” (what is Potato rate)
V: 18 Rs Kilo, “Badhiya hai bauji, bilkul taZa” (Its fresh and good)
I: “Sahi lagao Bhaiya, udhar to 17 mein hi de raha hai” (Please give the correct cost, the other person is giving in 17)
V: “Bauji Kharidi ka bhav hai chalo 17:50 de dena le lo” (Sir, its the cost price, well give 17.5 and take it)
Cut to MultiPlex theater and here is the conversation:
I: how much is the Alloo Tikki burger?
V: 60 Rs.
I: Give two..
so here it is, we always negotiate for a rupee or paisa but can spend hundreds without even thinking. Actually our local vendors are subjected to such torture but what the heck, if you won’t negotiate they will think something is wrong with you
4) Holidays and festivals
In India we have 36 Crores Gods/ Godesses which we worship. Some random calculations suggests that Every Second we are celebrating birth of 12 gods (though their liberation, nirvan, etc. etc. are not considered here), these celebrations have become festivals over the period of time and since we are such a religious nation we want Holiday for every festival, so in a way employers should be hanged till death for not abiding by our religious sentiments.
Oh I forgot, In India Most of the festivals are based upon some incidents and since i am not that smart at MATH, Please do the math and let me know if employers need to be tortured also …:P
Who are we? Part-2
4OH! The good lord!! The last night dinner was extremely good considering I am not allowed to eat “Spicy and Tangy food, oils or ghee, salt and sugar” but the dinner was GOOOOOOOD.
Well here is the second part of Who are we? Please contribute if you like the post.
1) Indian Time
Rahul: Meet me at 2:00 PM (I actually mean 2:00 PM +/- 4 hrs)
Vijay: Sure! will meet up at 2:00 PM ( I will wait for your call till you reach there because I will forget)
Boss: What is the office time kishore?
Kishor: Sir, Its 9:30 AM ! (Feeling guilty)
Boss: And what is the time right now?
Kishore: Sir, its 12:30 PM (Feeling less guilty now)
and Every second such kind of incidents appear where people take for granted the +/- hrs for any INDIAN TIME. Believe me it has just gone into our roots that we subconsciously avoid making things on time, or following the punctuality (I wonder if OXFORD is launching a new dictionary in india without this word).
2) We are very flexible
In hospital where its a silence ZONE you are talking on phone on top of your VOICE and nobody seems to care about, because its the way we are.
We always try to adjust, being it adjusting on a Bus Seat where only 2 people can sit but we settle down with 4 and still try to adjust that Boy somewhere on this seat who is standing for a long time.
You board a train and realize there is no place for your luggage because the lady next to your seat has 13 Bags ad suitcases and above all she doesn’t have a confirmed seat. and there you go again by ADJUSTING and moving into a corner where either you can fit or your Bag.
Another such incidence, You have a confirmed seat in B-3, 17 No, lower berth. Some lady comes over and tells you that if you are alone can you please shift to the nearby coach B-5 because she wants to sit with her long lost friend. And being a Flexible Indian you agree only to realize that B-5 coach is 10 coaches away and you have been given a SIDE UPPER seat where your 6ft 2 inch body can’t even fit.
3) Our patented technology called “JUGAAD”
Do I need to say anything. In India every person is BORN INVENTOR, Engineer, Doctor and Scientist. You need Balloon for your party but could not find anything you do “Jugaad”, Can’t afford an antenna; you roll aluminum hanger into one and get a good reception, there is no water in your locality but you have a “jugaad”, want to go to your hometown but there is no ticket available; don’t worry there is a “JUGAAD”, a motorcycle can be used as a tractor and a tractor can be used as a crane. The list is endless though but we are proud to have this Patented Technology in our lives
4) Everybody is doctor here!
You are sitting with your friends or relatives or you are traveling in a train with complete strangers, when suddenly you sneeze and cough! Alas you have open the floodgates of suggestions from every single person in that vicinity.
“Boil water and take steam”
“no no boil water and add Vicks and then take steam”
“Take a ginger tea and you will be good in no time”
“Add a little pepper and Tulsi in that tea and you will see the magic”
“Try taking a Ginger with Honey”
“Have you tried Hot Soup?”
“Try Kadhi it will melt your worries”
Blah Blah…
and you are cursing yourself why did you sneeze.
Ladder Theory explained
3Based upon observation by various bakarbugs and a deep study has resulted in this final report which defines the Relationship Ladder theory for GirLs.
Girls’ relationship with guys is a bigger mystery than girls themselves. It’s not just about boyfriends, we’re talking about guy friends that gals have. Do you have a gal who is just a friend? Are confused why the frequency of calls increases as exams loom closer? Or why she always hangs around with the moron who isn’t fit to wear Jeetendra’s white hoes? Here’s a ready reckoner for you.
% *Just a friend* %
Well, you are like a show piece in my house. I will call you whenever I need you. If you call me home the chances are 9 out of 10 times she might say, “Oh Rahul, I am going out can you call me after 2 days??”
Rahul: “Where are you going Shilpa??”
Shilpa: “None of your business” and bangs the phone.(Useless fellow.Hmmph!).
% *Good Friend* %
You are like a TV remote control. I need you and I know that. But I try using you when I really need you.
Rahul calls: “Hi Shilpa”,
Shilpa: “Hi Rahul. I am going out with family I will call you back. Bye”
(Shilpa calls back after two days)
Shilpa: “What do you want Rahul? Why did you call that day?”.
Rahul: “Generally”.
Shilpa: “Oh ok. I got to go out. Will call you later. Bye.”
Will call when she needs lecture notes or some concert tickets.
% *Very good friend* %
Well you are like the pressure cooker safety value for the girl. She will need you when she wants to bring out her pain or anger on someone. Basically, she wants to talk to you. And you are special to her.
Shilpa: “You know Rahul, Shekhar is not eating. He doesn’t sleep and is not able to concentrate on his studies. I think he doesn’t like me anymore. And yesterday I saw him with another girl”.
Rahul: “Who is Shekhar??”
Shilpa : “My boyfriend.”
Rahul: Oh! ok. 
% *Best Friend* %
You are like the auto rickshaw driver. She can’t live without you. And don’t be mistaken. You are not her boyfriend. But you are allowed to take her little doggie around the park so that he (not you!) can have fun .
Rahul Shopping. Rahul Movie. Rahul Coffee. Rahul,you pay. I am having fun.
Rahul is now sure that he should go ahead and propose. He dares.
Shilpa: “But I thought we were just friends. We should remain friends Rahul. Plus, I have a boy friend you know that.”
Rahul: What?? (Rahul drinks all night).
% *Best of the Bestest Friends* %
Ok now you are really special. You are dad-cum-boyfriend-cum-brother-cum-everything. Ultimately you are the darling servant of the girl. You take her around.You make her project. You do her assignments. You are allowed to take her doggie around. You can hold hands on the beach. You can see the sun set with her (because she wants to do everything shedrags you along).
But but but… don’t be mistaken. She has a boyfriend who works for a huge software company and earns 3 times the salary you earn and has a flat in Poes Garden or Boat Club or Hiranandani area.
Shilpa: “Hi Rahul. I am getting engaged to Shekhar.
Shekhar this is Rahul, he is my bestest friend”.
Rahul: Hi Shekhar . (Hand shake. Shekhar breaks Rahul’s wrist).
Rahul is now heart broken and wrist broken.
% *Boyfriend* %
Uh… No comments dude. You’re already Gone ….
Compiled by Chatur Chandan
What is bakar?
0Bakar is more of a concept and a philosophy than an activity. To understand bakar, it is necessary to get the concept of vella and vellapanti first.
When an individual has nothing to do, no activities to perform, and his brain is full of thoughts which are mostly useless and no one is interested in them, then that particular stage of an individual can be termed as vella. The activities performed at that stage is called as vellapanti.
Bakar is a more higher stage of vellapanti. When a couple of vella’s interact together and do some vellapanti which involve humor, fun, statistics, sarcasm that activity is termed as bakar. The key to note is that vella is a singular while bakar usually involves three or more individuals.
A list containing the key elements of bakar and many more things are under progress and will be revealed in The Bakar Guide … Part 2.
Till then, bakar chalu rahe 
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